Emma

Curriculum Vitae

Emma Chow

Chief Nap Officer  ✦  Available for cuddles  ✦  Est. 2025

Experience

Chief Nap Officer

Emma Chow Ventures · 2025 – Present

  • Disrupted household sleep schedules by up to 400%
  • Successfully delegated all feeding, changing & transportation to senior staff
  • Achieved personal best cry duration of 47 minutes (cause: unknown)

Head of Digestion

Self-employed · 2025 – Present

  • Processed over 1,000 meals with zero complaints about the menu
  • Pioneered a new strategy for spitting up on clean outfits

Professional Cuteness Consultant

Family & Friends Network · 2025 – Present

  • Reduced stress levels in all known contacts by smiling
  • Consistently rated "too adorable" across all performance reviews

Education

School of Life

Class of 2043 (estimated) · Currently enrolled

  • Major: Undecided
  • GPA: Too early to tell, but very promising
  • Extracurriculars: Staring at ceiling fans, grabbing things

Core Skills

Crying
Expert
Eating
Expert
Cuteness
Distinguished
Sleeping
Selective
Pooping
Consistent
Walking
In progress

Languages

  • Crying — Native
  • Gurgling — Fluent
  • Babbling — Intermediate
  • English — Developing

References

  • Available upon request
  • Please give notice — they are probably asleep

"Highly motivated. Self-starter.
Will smile for funding."

Emma Chow — Personal Statement

— Months old
0 LinkedIn connections
3am Peak productivity
100% Grandparent satisfaction

What people are saying

★★★★★

"She completely disrupted our sleep schedule and I have never been happier. Would recommend. Cannot return."

Mum

Co-founder, Emma Chow Ventures

★★★★★

"The most talented, beautiful, and intelligent baby I have ever seen in my entire life. This is a completely unbiased review."

Grandma

Independent Reviewer

Get in touch

Available
for hire.

Method  —  Cry loudly
Response time  —  Immediate
Location  —  Someone's arms
Rate  —  Milk, negotiable

emmachow.com  ✦  Est. 2025